Healing heartbreak 101

Heartbreak sucks. It’s the undisputed fact that we are all pretty much aware of. And even though you can feel like you have to be on team show-how-much-better-you’re-doing-without-him the truth is heartbreak can make you feel physically sick. It can leave you feeling as if your whole world crashed down around you. I mean, you did share a real connection with someone and a significant part of your life and self with someone special and you don’t just get over that in a click of a finger.

Here are a few tips to help make the process of healing your broken heart easier:

    1. Take each day as it comes
      There’s no standard time frame to get over a relationship, so don’t get mad at yourself for feeling like you’re back to square one when things ended over a year ago. You had real feelings for this person, you felt love towards this person – those are real deep emotions and then they had an abrupt end. That’s tough stuff. Some days are going to be better than others and some days you’re going to feel like a mess, but what matters is that when the sun gets up the next day so do you and you keep moving forward.
    2. Love yourself through the process
      Don’t beat yourself down because you feel like you’re not getting over it fast enough. Anytime you feel yourself dogging yourself down, take that as an opportunity to love yourself more. For example, if you find yourself saying “I’m so stupid for still being hung up and this is why I got dumped because I’m ridiculously pathetic” replace that thought with “I’m an amazing person with an amazing heart that’s just hurting right now and that person is the one missing out on someone incredible”. You may not find yourself fully believing your words in the moment but over time you’ll start feeling the truth in what you’re saying about yourself.
    3. Acknowledge your strength, even in the little things 
      Did all you do today was have a shower, brush your teeth and do your laundry? Give yourself a round of applause! No matter how small what you did today was as long as you got up and did something to keep yourself moving forward then that’s still healing from heartbreak.
    4. You’re still as awesome as you were during the relationship
      Love has a powerful way of making us feel like we’re validated for being our best selves and break ups have a way of making us feel like all of those elevated feelings are completely invalidated. That person who became our morphine to our insecurities and the ecstasy to our happiness has now left and heartbreak can leave those wounds feeling more intense than they originally felt. The truth is you never needed someone else to be your drug. The silver lining to heartbreak is that it can the path to you discovering how you can be your own source of confidence. Having someone love you feels great, but learning that you are your own validation and security leaves your indestructible.
    5. Don’t start dating again unless you’re ready 
      Do you remember when you were younger and your parents told you to stop picking at your scab because it’ll won’t heal properly. That’s kind of like dating again when you’re not ready. Don’t date to prove a point that you’re over the break up, take your time healing then rushing into what you know you’re not ready for. It doesn’t mean anything apart from the fact that you’re being emotionally healthy to acknowledge your emotions and process them.
    6. Surround yourself with the right energy
      Be mindful of the energy you’re filling yourself with. Ask yourself ‘Is this helping me or making me feel worse?”. It’s probably not the best thing to watch romcoms or dating shows that make you feel nostalgic of your past relationship. Make it a mission to immerse yourself in new hobbies – are you always wishing that you could try the amazing cakes on Great British Bake Off? Then take up baking as a new hobby! Buy a recipe book and spend your evening baking new recipes when all you want to do is stay in and hide under the covers. Want to grow and try and challenge yourself? Sign up to a race or try out a new training program at the gym. Do things to pour your attention in things that keep your mind off feeling shit but better yourself,  make you feel like you’re growing  in new ways and getting back to yourself. Because before your relationship you were this amazing whole person and you still are that amazing person.

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