It’s easy when you are in a relationship (or friendships or familial relationships) to care about another person and seek their approval and affection that you’re willing to put their needs and emotions above your own.
It’s great to be caring. It’s needed in order to create loving relationships. However, there is a fine line between being caring and being overly sacrificial. Especially when you’re not getting in return what you deserve. Now of course, with any loving relationship there will be moments you have to sacrifice and recognise that your significant other or loved ones’ emotional needs have to come first. But it’s when it becomes damaging to your heart, that’s when you have to draw the line.
One of my friends unexpectedly got pregnant with someone she had been regularly hooking up with but wasn’t in a relationship with. Even though she knew it wasn’t an official relationship, and said she wasn’t sure if she wanted things to go further, I felt there was an underlying possibility of maybe she did and really did feel something deeper towards him than just having sex. She ended up deciding to have an abortion and later built enough strength to tell them afterwards. Unfortunately she wasn’t met with the response she needed or wanted. Understandably, he was stunned into silence and had issues of his own but instead of offering the compassion and support she needed, he later ghosted on her. She put up a strong front which I respected but it hurt her deep down. You can’t not be affected going through something like that if someone you have feelings for treats you that way.
Recently, I caught up with her to see how she was doing and let her know her feelings were valid. It’s a wonderful quality of hers that she’s so caring and was so compassionate to his shock but his treatment towards her didn’t serve as a decent excuse. After all, if it was a friend that had done that we would all tell them to do one – why should the same not apply towards relationships?
Later on when she got home, she messaged me a thank you and that she messaged him how he really made her feel and ended things with the guy she was currently hooking up with as it wasn’t going anywhere and blocked both of their numbers as she felt she needed to look after herself and she felt much better and lighter within herself.
If you take anything from this story, take away the fact that once you recognise what you can offer and who you are, you’re indestructible. You don’t need to settle for less than you deserve. You deserve loving respect and support. You do not have to settle or compromise your feelings for someone who doesn’t serve or deserve you. And yes, you are more than entitled to have someone who serves you. You can survive without what isn’t serving you. You don’t need people that don’t serve you in becoming your best self.
Take a moment today to recognise the qualities you offer in your relationships. Are you a caring person who wholeheartedly loves others? Are you someone who takes the time to understand those you care about and will go out of you way and beyond to provide them with the help and support they need? Are you someone who lights up an entire room with you effervescent humour and joy? Are you someone who has your make up slayed to the gods that you can hear heaven give you a round of applause for the way you winged your liner? Are you someone who carries themselves like you bathe in diamonds?
If you’re not all you want to be then spend some time working on yourself to become those things. When you take a moment to see what you can offer, you realise that what you have to offer someone and who you are is priceless and someone would be lucky to have someone like yourself to upgrade their life, then honey if you have that then you don’t need much else. Also, you are more likely to attract what you truly want because you aren’t seeking anything else to fill the gaps within. You have all the power, love and validation wrapped in your beautiful exterior. And with that, you’re pretty much a force to be reckoned with.