Photo by Naomi August on Unsplash
I want you to feel like your best self and thrive, I want to also be completely real with you.
Right now, I’m in a place where things are thriving and I should feel like I’m on cloud nine. Things are flowing well with what I’m working on and it’s a season where things are falling into place. It is an exciting time and I’m so grateful and thankful.
But, I have that voice in my head that plays on rotation my inadequacies and weaknesses. Things I could be better at, things I don’t have that I see in others. And it’s funny because this week was filled with compliments from others on how well I was doing but the voice in my head would say the opposite.
All I could think about was measuring myself to others, getting stuck in comparison, placing pressure on myself to be more of this and that to the point my head was caught up in a cycle of playing my shortcomings to me on repeat throughout the day. And it’s so funny because on the outside absolutely no one could tell. I looked like I had it all together and was having such a great time. Yet inside I’d have moments where I feel numb and not present. Some days I’d have to head to the bathroom for a couple of minutes to pray or meditate to still my thoughts.
It’s funny with life, because at one point in our lives we wished we could be where we are now yet you can feel like a failure – all at the same time! Say for example, when you were sloughing away in school, and you couldn’t wait until you finished and then you do -it’s undoubtedly a massive achievement! But your head is so caught up on achieving the next thing, like getting a job. And then because you haven’t got one you feel like a failure. You don’t even take a minute to stop and pause to realise “At one point in my life, this is what I dreamed of having.”
I’m telling you this (and it’s also what I need to hear myself) is that you are enough. You’re never going to be perfect, you’re always going to be striving to reach new heights. But, you are good enough. You are enough and thriving exactly as you are right now.
One thing I noticed within myself is I need to take out time to create a fully, authentic loving relationship with myself. The time when I felt the most freest in my life was when I was 12. Why, you may ask? Because all I cared about was serving myself and my happiness. Then that changed when the pressure of feeling like I had to be in control kicked in and societal pressures on the way I looked and then social pressures and things going on in my personal life that were out of my control. And somehow through all of that, me and my happiness placed last on the list of priorities because I felt like the world was on top of me. So, I’m going to make a conscious effort to fully focus on creating a loving relationship where I focus on just serving myself and my happiness.
You hear people bang on about self love all the time, and I thought I was perfectly gucci in that department – I didn’t absolutely hate myself (trust me, my younger self could be the world champ for the self loathing society) or felt like I needed a man to complete me. But, I realised I didn’t have a fulfilling relationship with myself that was about fully and authentically serving myself and my happiness as a top priority. Where my daily goal was “Focus on only doing what makes you happy to be alive”. That simple. Instead, I had a relationship with myself that was to encourage myself to keep healthy to work hard to achieve. Somehow happiness felt expensive.
One of the things I’m going to take the time in is self acceptance. Full, loving, self acceptance. Not acceptance of something that can be added on the list to work on.
But simply telling myself “it’s okay” and “you’re enough”. Because there’s something inside me that feels very empty and is simply wanting nothing but love and validation from myself.
I’d love to hear what steps you take to love yourself more – comment yours down below!